My brother, Emil, was born with special needs at a time when little was known about such things. When Emil was in kindergarten, the teacher summoned our parents. Emil was having difficulty keeping up with the other students. Although she had her suspicions, the teacher advised that Emil undergo testing at Children’s Hospital to determine the diagnosis and best course to take. Following the teacher’s advice, Dad brought Emil to Children’s Hospital. After the testing the doctor sat down with Dad. The diagnosis was by today’s politically correct terminology “developmental disability”. The prognosis was “not good”: According to the doctor, there was little that could be done to help Emil. Indeed, he faced institutionalization by the age of 16. Our father’s first reaction was devastation. How could this be? And what kind of life would it mean for this handsome, lively, innocent child? Our dad’s next reaction would set the course for Emil’s life. He would not accept the doom and gloom prognosis! He set out to provide whatever it took to help Emil to live a full and independent life! He and Mom made sure that Emil received suitable special needs education at each stage of his life. In adulthood, Emil received job training in maintenance work. As a result, he “landed” a job as an assistant custodian in his hometown, Millis. Emil’s work involved maintaining the floors in the schools. He kept the floors clean and polished and as such was a valuable member of the staff. In return the staff was very caring and supportive of Emil.

All his life Emil lived in the family home. When Mom died of cancer at an early age, the family was concerned: what would become of Emil without his mother’s tenderhearted presence? Well, Dad admirably stepped up to the plate to take on the full responsibility of Emil. Rather than feel sorry for Emil, Dad expected him to perform daily chores of housekeeping and yard maintenance. Additionally, every day in every kind of imaginable weather Emil walked the half-mile to work. Dad’s idea was to always provide a bit of a challenge to Emil so that he kept “reaching” for higher levels of accomplishment. It toughened him up for the real world. And he appeared very serious and reserved.

Dad managed every aspect of Emil’s life, including his finances. Emil accompanied Dad everywhere – from senior citizens outings to the voting booth. From time to time family and friends wondered what would become of Emil when his dad was no longer around. Perhaps with this in mind, Dad opened up to the idea of the Department of Mental Retardation (D.M.R.) providing some help. Emil began to be involved in the Respite program, spending occasional weekends with the group. Amazingly he loved and looked forward to his time away from home, attending field trips, and socializing with others. He even gained a friend, Owen, who had his own apartment. Emil asked, “Do you think I’ll ever have my own apartment?”

Then one day Dad became very ill after many months of failing health and died shortly afterward. More than ever everyone was concerned for Emil. I began speaking with D.M.R. about Emil’s future. It was suggested that Emil stay in Millis, where he had experienced such success at work and in the community. But what was next? Should he continue to live in the family home with the loving support of Dad’s significant other, Betty, or had the time come for Emil to take a big step forward? We didn’t fully know the extent of Emil’s needs or capabilities. We knew that he had been left alone for a week at a time when Dad went on vacation. At those times, Emil would grin broadly, proclaiming, “I’m the boss of the house!”

Suddenly Emil’s case manager was tossing about an idea. Emil’s money, which my Dad had so carefully saved over the years, could be used for a down payment on a condo. Emil was eligible for services to help him manage in his own place. The family also agreed to help. The idea took hold. Emil began asking when he might begin living in his own “apartment”. It had seemed like a pipe dream. The answer was always “when we find the right place…it might take a while. We need to find a roommate to help with the expenses.” Emil seemed to like the idea of “his own place” and “being his own boss.”

One day Emil and I took a ride around town. We drove by an available condo several miles from Emil’s workplace. We agreed that it wouldn’t work out because it wasn’t within walking distance of Emil’s job. As we headed back, two balloons and a sign announcing “Open house – for sale by owner” at the entrance to a condominium complex caught our attention. I asked Emil if he’d like to take a look. With a big grin he said, “Yes!” The moment we entered the unit Emil’s face brightened. I knew that this was “the one.” He kept walking from room to room looking very satisfied. Everything about the condo was perfect for Emil. It was in good condition, and had 1-1/2 baths and 2 bedrooms (a roommate or assistant could use the additional bedroom and bathroom). The location was within walking distance from work and within 5 minutes from the shopping plaza. It was such a bargain! Fortunately, our offer was accepted.

The next hurdle was obtaining financing for the condo. I worked for a major mortgage company, but what would they think of my plan to help Emil to purchase his new home? As it turned out the staff could not have been more supportive. It took some creativity and juggling but it all worked out.

Who would be there to help Emil forge his new life, everyone wondered. How would he manage living alone? Not to worry: the service provider would be a very capable organization by the name of Advocates. Advocates provided services to a local group home near Emil’s condo, well situated to support Emil.

People still questioned if it would work.

In June, Emil moved into his new home. He adjusted well and was happier than he had ever been. He now smiled and spoke freely about what mattered to him. Family helped by regularly checking on Emil, “fixing up” his place, and updating his wardrobe. I became Emil’s Legal Guardian. Advocates provided transportation and assistance with shopping, finances, medical issues, and safety concerns. They also listened, gave encouragement, and informed Emil of his rights. With Advocates’ help, Emil became quite self-sufficient, doing his own laundry, cooking, and cleaning. Best of all was Emil’s emergence as an individual with a mind of his own and the courage to speak it.

The Community began to recognize that Emil’s move was a huge success. By Christmas Emil’s co-workers, volunteers from the Senior Center, friends, relatives, and his Case Manager, Carla Carey, were invited to a holiday celebration to see how well Emil was managing in his new surroundings.

The final hurdle was determining if Emil could afford the monthly expense of owning a home or if he would need a roommate. from the beginning Emil was quite vocal about it. “This is my place and I don’t want a roommate!”

We reviewed Emil’s expenses, benefits, and income and decided that he can indeed afford to live alone in his dream home. He is, without a doubt, his “own boss”. It has taken a team - Emil, his parents and family, D.M.R., and Advocates- a lifetime to accomplish this. I give special credit to Advocates, which gave Emil the unfailing support to believe in his own capabilities and manage on his own.

I only wish my dad were here to see how Emil has defeated the odds given by that doctor so long ago.