I Am Stronger...

After spending twenty years mostly inside State Hospitals I was enrolled in Marlboro Supported Housing, a division of Advocates. B.and A. coordinated my treatment program with loving care. They gave me a nice apartment and a counselor named J. Not only did I get a ride to the store and doctor appointments but also he shared his life with me as we took small excursions around Marlboro and surrounding towns. He quit a year and a half later because he couldn’t make ends meet on his salary. Then I met L.D., my soul guide, who got me through some dark, desperate times with long talks. She taught me how to vocalize my frustration and my constant thoughts of suicide. Respite, PES and sometimes the hospital were needed. I was fortunate to have her for four and a half years. Luckily she is still with Advocates as a secretary and sometimes we have lunch to catch up on what each is doing. She has always prevented me from harming myself which I know I’d regret.

D., my new one to one, has made me even stronger in my resolve to make suicide a past thought. I had an electric knife in the house in case I decided to end my life and she coerced me into giving it to Supported Housing to cut meat for the dinners. I’ll never ask for it back.

Most counselors stay for a year and move on because they can’t afford to stay. But while they are here they put their heart and soul into their clients. Babysitting is a ridiculous explanation of what they do. We, the clients have night and daymares frequently. It is time that the workers get financial relief as they give us relief. They are out in the trenches using their own cars and when there is a crisis they will stay with their client past the end of their shift. We are viable citizens who deserve respect and recognition in the state’s budget. I do not look upon myself as a helpless, suicidal. I am stronger because my spirit guides have taught me to overcome my fears.

P.Y.